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81st over: England 261-8 (Stokes 72, Archer 48) Batting allrounder Mitchell Starc, who is still hunting his first wicket of the game, takes the new ball. Archer is cut in half by a spectacular inswinger that somehow misses everything. He then survives an LBW appeal – missing leg – and plays and misses at a delivery that goes across with the angle. Lovely bowling.
“Ginger?” sniffs Mac Millings in reference to my comment in the 74th over. “You can only be classed as ‘ginger’ if you have actual hair.”
Are you there yet?
80th over: England 260-8 (Stokes 71, Archer 48) Archer guides Lyon for two and calmly plays out the rest of the over. The second new ball is due. And so, if you’re an England fan, is this old friend. There may only be the merest soupçon of hope, but that’s more than England had an hour ago.
79th over: England 257-8 (Stokes 70, Archer 46) A gratuitous throw from backward point, possibly by Labuschagne, gives Archer an overthrow. When Green strays onto the pads later in the over, Archer flicks him fine for four.
Archer is four runs away from becoming only the third England No10 or 11 in the last 50 years to make a half-century against Australia. The others were Paul Allott at Old Trafford in 1981, a vital innings on debut, and Stuart Broad at the MCG in 2017-18.
78th over: England 250-8 (Stokes 68, Archer 41) Archer misses a big heave at a ball from Lyon that bounces over the stumps and runs away for three byes. There should only have been two really but Stokes forced the issue. Not for the first time, his blanket refusal to accept an apparently inevitable defeat brings a lump to the throat.
Later in the over Archer misses an attempted cut and Carey claims the ball up to the stumps. “Gotta review that, haven’t you?” deadpans Sir Alastair Cook on commentary.
77th over: England 244-8 (Stokes 67, Archer 41) Two from Green’s over. Apologies, I’m struggling to keep up with play this morning for some reason. Getting barely four hours sleep probably has something to do with it.
Anyway, England have reduced the deficit to 125 runs. They are still just about in this game, but realistically they will struggle to chase much more than 200 agianst Nathan Lyon in the fourth innings.
76th over: England 244-8 (Stokes 66, Archer 40) Stokes opens his legs and shows his class, hammering a reverse sweep over backward point for four. Lyon is getting pronounced turn, but it’s pretty slow off the pitch and England are stockpiling runs with relative ease. It must be a pretty hard watch for the top order, who could be filling their boots this morning.
“Hi Rob,” writes Onno Giler. “I for one am happy Niall brought up the 1997-98 season, as it was one of my favourite memories. I turned 8 and my father brought me to the only match I ever saw at Highbury. Gilles Grimandi scoring in a 1-0 win against Crystal Palace. Found out much later it was a key point in a Double-winning season, one of my best memories as an Arsenal fan.”
It was a really important goal, wasn’t it? I still have no idea whether he meant it.
75th over: England 239-8 (Stokes 61, Archer 40) Cam Green replaces Scott Boland and will do a bit of donkey work before the second new ball is available. Jofra Archer continues to defend with skill and common sense. He’s currently averaging 44 with the bat in this series, which puts him behind only Joe Root for England.
“Thank you for the clip (70th over)!” writes Sarah Bacon. “And a mahoosive fistbump to Dechlan Brennan for sharing it.”
74th over: England 237-8 (Stokes 60, Archer 39) “On the point about extreme heat, people also underrate its capacity to bring out the best/worst in cricketers,” writes Chris Paraskevas. “An old Australian folktale I heard as a kid was of the late great Dean Jones’ puking and cramping at Madras in ‘86 on account of using Solo to hydrate.
“Of course, this was just a relative embellishing a famous tale to warn of the perils of refined sugars and reinforce the importance of hydration on a long batting vigil, which is something I never really got to practice.
“Anyway, some years later for Summer Hill Cricket Club (at the lowest grade possible) I was batting against a team that only had five fielders. It was very hot and basically a dead rubber on a big suburban dustbowl, so I did the right thing and really went after the ‘bowling attack’ to bump my average up.
“A philosophical argument sparked between myself and the wicketkeeper. At one point we squared up and it was looking really dicey. And then, a miracle: he walked back to his mark, turned to the boundary and relieved himself right there on the pitch to gasps/laughter/scattered applause. What a wonderful game cricket is.”
Chris, it’s very generous of you to tell a story that evokes the days when England routinely won Ashes series home and away.
And on the heat, of course I agree they shouldn’t play when it is dangerous. I just have no idea where the safety threshold lies: for someone like me (pale, ginger, lived in Orkney for six years), 18 degrees is a stretch.
73rd over: England 234-8 (Stokes 59, Archer 38) Stokes threads Boland between extra cover and mid-off for four, a shot of the highest class. He’s denied another boundary Starc, who makes an outstanding sprawling stop at deep backward point.
England are still miles behind, 137 runs to be precise. But after Headingley 2019 and Lord’s 2023, Australia won’t feel truly comfortable in the box seat until they get rid of Stokes.
“The Black Caps are 419 for 3 against West Indies,” writes my erstwhile colleague Paul Cockburn. “Devon Conway has a double ton; Tom Latham hit three figures yesterday. Yes, it’s another match (and series) that’s only going to go one way, but at least everyone avoided the tragic levels of hype optimism in the build-up. I never understood how overrated the Ashes were until I moved here.”
You should have tried going to JJs in Sittingbourne on New Year’s Eve circa 1999.
72nd over: England 226-8 (Stokes 51, Archer 37) Lyon tosses one up to Archer, who accepts the invitation and smokes an imperious six over wide long-on! Amid the ruins of this series, watching Jofra play Test cricket – and finally do justice to his batting talent – has been a joy.
Snicko latest
Fifty for Ben Stokes
71st over: England 218-8 (Stokes 50, Archer 31) Stokes touches Boland for a single to bring up a movingly defiant fifty from 159 balls. There’s no real celebration, just a sheepish raise of the bat.
Here’s a statgasm for you: the two slowest half-centuries of the entire Bazball era have been made by Stokes in the last two games: 159 balls here, 148 at Brisbane last week. Thanks to Yas Rana, host of the utterly brilliant Wisden podcast, for that.
“We have heard a lot of about Bazball’s man-management, which, even from an Aussie, seems really good and a long way from the days of 29 players in the 1989 Ashes,” writes Dechlan Brennan. “But do you think the handling of Bashir will impact him? Supported for two years and then discarded on wickets that cry out for a spinner. I don’t think it is Jacks’ fault he went for six an over, but I wonder if Bashir has been treated poorly and what the impacts will be for him.”
I think it’s a fiendishly complicated situation – lotta ins, lotta outs, lotta what-have-yous. More than anything it’s sad and, while it could impact him, England have to pick the team they think gives them the best chance of winning. I think they’ve handled it pretty well publicly (eg nobody has called him “unselectable”) but I’d also argue they made a mistake by not bringing Liam Dawson in the squad. Easy to say now; most of us were happy with the squad when it was announced.
70th over: England 218-8 (Stokes 49, Archer 31) Nathan Lyon from the other end, with a slip and short leg in place for Archer. He gets some pronounced turn but Archer defends diligently and it’s a maiden.
In other news, thanks to Dechlan Brennan for sending in this video, as requested by Sarah Bacon.
69th over: England 218-8 (Stokes 49, Archer 31) Stokes couldn’t tee off last night due to cramp. How will he play it this morning? Just answer the question, Claire. By walking down the track to guide Boland through extra cover for four, that’s how. Gorgeous shot.
“The moaning is understandable,” says Niall Mullen. “Not because of anything inherent to Bazball but because the premature ending of the Ashes as a contest prolongs the winter misery and god knows we could do with any help in shortening it. That’s why I’m watching Premier League Years right now. It’s 1997-98. Roy Keane has just injured his knee at Leeds and Alf-Inge Haaland seems to be trying to console him. That’s nice.”
You bring that season up, on today of all days? You [redacted].
Enough talk, Scott Boland is about to bowl the first over of day three. It’s much cooler in Adelaide, around 26 degrees.
“Honestly, it’s not England’s batting – that’s pretty much on par with Australia’s,” writes Andy Roberts. “The glaring difference is the bowling. If Australian batters look better, it’s because they are getting a lot more bad balls to hit. England couldn’t score any faster yesterday because the bowling was consistently accurate and tested the batter’s technique and concentration over after over, with no weak links. Compare that to England, with Jacks and Carse sending down rubbish time and time again.
“Carse looks like he wouldn’t get a game in the Sheffield Shield. If Australia’s batters were facing the Australian bowling attack, you’d probably see a lot of them with lower scores and averages too. The only English bowler who really tests batters consistently is Archer, despite the fluctuations in his speeds. Thoughts?”
I kind of agree, though I do think England have batted poorly as well and I would argue the most important passage of play in the series remains that collapse on the second afternoon at Perth. Brydon Carse’s performances have had me scratching my big bald noggin. I did various graveyard shifts a year ago when England won in New Zealand and he was fantastic: hostile, accurate, penetrative and skilful. Will Jacks is slightly different as he just isn’t a Test spinner.
“Will you ever give your opinion about just how dangerous it is to play in that heat?” adds Julian Menz.
I’m rapidly forming an opinion on something.
“I have mentioned this to you and fellow OBO journalists, and I have brought the issue up on various other platforms…” says Julian Menz. “I fully get why the issue is hidden/ignored, but playing hour after hour in dangerous heat is not only perilous to the players’ health short term, it is potentially life-threatening. I would appreciate it if you could open up the issue to the OBO readers.”
We can’t publish every email, and it wasn’t a deliberate decision to ignore you. I think play would have been stopped yesterday had the temperature reaches a certain level, and the ECB have an extreme heat guidance for the recreational game. I can’t comment on the minutiae of that guidance because I don’t know the subject well enough. (Insert your own joke here.)
Tanya Aldred wrote this on the subject in 2022.
Geoff Lemon
For Nathan Lyon it had been a case of wait and wait and wait. It was 6 July this year when he took a return catch from Jayden Seales, wrapping up the second Test against West Indies in Grenada with his career worth 562 Test wickets. Right behind Glenn McGrath’s 563, Lyon might have anticipated a week before moving to second place on the all-time Australian list, an off-spinner of modest flair and self-belief sitting behind the market leader in both those traits, Shane Warne.
Instead, Lyon was left out in Jamaica, spitting plantain chips even as Australia’s four quicks humbled West Indies for 143 and 27. That meant four and a half more months until the next Test, the start of the Ashes in Perth. Never mind, he could pass McGrath in front of a home crowd. Nope. Two overs in the first innings, none in the second, England folding twice too quickly to need a spinner. Then to Brisbane, an angry Lyon left out for four quicks again.
He was back for Adelaide, but more waiting was imminent. Australia batted first. The second day was a stinker. A heartbreaker. A backbreaker. A bowler-breaker. The gauge nudged above 40, but the lived experience was well beyond numbers. The sun bit. It clawed. It was so hot that spectating in the shade with a cold drink was taxing.
The only contest was about which group of people were more mad: the cricketers in the middle, or the group of New Zealanders on the hill dressed as traffic cones. One lot were paid handsomely and looked after by medical professionals, the other were presumably rolled out of their tubes of fluorescent sweaty foam at the end of the day in a slurry of human sous vide.
There’s been a lot of moaning in the last 24 hours. A helluva lot. In fact, I’m pretty sure I heard some of it while I was trying to get to sleep at the end of yesterday’s play.
This series has been a thundering disappointment, NQAT. I still think that, while the Bazball era is coming to an end, it would be unfair and a bit dumb to lose sight of how much joy they have given us. All my life I wanted England to play Pakistan. In the last three and a half years, for richer and poorer, they have.
They’re the most attacking batting line-up in Test history, which counts for plenty even if has been accompanied by several costly brainfarts, and in the last 50 years only three England captains – Brearley, Vaughan and Strauss – have a better win/loss ratio than Ben Stokes.
On reflection, there have been two phases of Bazball.
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2022-23 P18 W13 D1 L4 (win/loss ratio 3.25)
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2024-25 P25 W12 D1 L12 (w/l 1.00)
“Yesterday I saw a very entertaining clip of Beefy, Merv Hughes and anors watching Nathan Lyon’s sensational wicket-snaffling over,” write Sarah Bacon. “Their reactions were ... priceless. Unfortunately, it seems to have vanished from my ‘socials’ so if you, pretty please, can find it, this Aussie-in-Ingerland would be very grateful.”
Can anyone help? I’m not great with socials, I’m afraid, but can I interest you in some comedy cricket aggro from 1997?
Barney Ronay
It’s a cruel, cruel summer. By the close of play in Adelaide, on the kind of superheated afternoon when just going outside basically involves setting fire to your own hair, it was clear this was the day the music finally died for England’s Ashes tour; even if that music has long since faded, like the tinkle of a haunted pianola in an empty house.
The start of day two had presented a familiar challenge. Here was another occasion where it was necessary to bat properly. And yes, it is always this day. The bat properly day. Do it. Do the batting. The proper batting. By now this seems to raise some very basic existential questions.
What is properly? What is batting? And what is this England team, when even losing a Test match seems to involve doing so without the qualities that were supposed to make it win: no panache, no boldness, no energy? There are only two things wrong with this England team. They can’t Baz. And they can’t ball.
Ali Martin
On a sweltering second day in the so-called city of churches, faith appeared to evaporate. Faith in technology, certainly, a sentiment shared by both sets of players. But for England there was a broader loss of belief in their attacking philosophy after having it systematically dismantled by Australia.
This could have been the day that England finally made a statement with the bat in this Ashes series. It was a 40C (104F) furnace out in the middle for the bowlers, the breeze akin to a hairdryer. And the pitch, bone dry, had none of the bounce that proved England’s undoing during those sorry defeats in Perth and Brisbane.
And yet by stumps they had crawled to 213 for eight from 68 overs, still 158 behind, and a 3-0 scoreline in Australia’s favour was loading. Ben Stokes was unbeaten on 45 after three hours of bullish defiance but only one captain glowed with authority. Pat Cummins had led a remarkable display of bowling by the hosts with figures of three for 54 on a stellar comeback.
Indeed, for all the talk of England’s problems with the bat – and minds are now seemingly scrambled – the biggest difference has surely been with the ball. Even with key men missing Australia have been relentless all series and here, despite the sapping heat, they stuck their guests in a straitjacket of nagging lines and lengths, extracting every shred of movement on offer.
Preamble
Never mind the Christmas Test and the Boxing Day Test, the 2025-26 Ashes has become cricket’s equivalent of a New Year’s Eve night out. We’ve all been there, when the expectation of a classic night out gives way to the the reality of anti-climax and infighting. Given that every New Year’s Eve night out/England tour to Australia tends to follow the same pattern, we were thunderingly naive to think this would be any different.
This should be the midpoint of the series, the third day of the third Test. It was supposed to be 1-1, with both teams brawling for supremacy at Adelaide. Instead Australia are poised to go up 3-0 with two game to play for the sixth time in the last seven home series. Or, to put it another way, it’s 10pm on New Year’s Eve, the party’s clearing out but you’re stuck chatting to some clown with a kazoo and a bottle of 12% ABV product. Plus ça effing change.
England will resume on 213 for 8, still 158 runs behind, after succumbing to a merciless and forensic bowling performance from Australia on day two. They’ve recovered from even more precarious positions in the Bazball era, most notably at Edgbaston in 2022, but that was before their spirit had been crushed by the unique strains of an Ashes tour – and the near impossible challenge of beating Australia on their own patch.
