6 hours ago
6
It’s Friday afternoon at Hoyts on Sydney’s northern beaches, and the atmosphere is horrific. I am here to see Amazon’s $75m “documentary” on Melania Trump, which has already been condemned as a flop ahead of its release.
When I arrive, I panic for a second that I have the time wrong. There are no Melania posters anywhere and the screening is tucked into the back bottom corner of the large movie theatre, like the weird leftover table at a wedding.
Eventually, just eight people arrive. The cinema has a capacity of about 150 people. There’s a couple, an elderly lady, a few middle-aged men and me. We all sit in the back for some reason.
I wonder if the terrible showing is because it’s a weird time of day to watch a movie. But of the five evening screenings of Melania taking place on its opening day at cinemas across Sydney, none have sold more than 16 tickets. One has sold just six.
Earlier viewings that were slated for 11am in Australia were pulled at the last minute due to a miscommunication over Amazon MGM Studios’ worldwide embargo, preventing any screenings from going ahead before 4pm AEST.
This means I am one of less than 100 people in the city of Sydney, population 5.5 million people, to see Melania’s debut. Who are my peers? Maga fans willing to pay $26.75, or just journalists forced to endure the 1-hour-and-48-minute running time so the general public doesn’t have to?
The film, which documents the 20 days preceding Donald Trump’s return to power in January 2025, was screened at the White House on Saturday and had its official premiere at Washington’s Kennedy Center – which the president has renamed the Trump-Kennedy Center in a legally disputed move – on Thursday, before its release in 27 countries.
The timing for its release could’ve been better, coming off the back of the second killing of a civilian by ICE in less than a month, but is there ever good timing with the Trump administration?
A spoiler of sorts: I am not a big fan of Melania Trump. I have laughed about her weird, oversized hats and periodically indulged in conspiracy theories that she has been replaced by a lookalike.
As celebrities go, she is extremely far down my list of People I Would Like to See a Documentary About.
Of course, liking a famous person isn’t a prerequisite for watching a documentary about them. I enjoyed Tiger King despite not enjoying the man commonly known as Tiger King.
Yet Melania has been directed by the disgraced film-maker Brett Ratner, marking his first feature in 12 years after being accused of sexual misconduct by multiple women in 2017 (which he has denied).
It would be hard to view this as anything other than a propaganda exercise: the president’s Battleship Potemkin.
When the film begins, I immediately regret not buying popcorn so at least one of my senses would be entertained. In what feels excruciatingly slow, the first 10 minutes are just her using various modes of transport. Getting ushered into a black car. Boarding a plane. Wishing staff “Happy New Year” in monotone.
Then there is her first voiceover.
“Everyone wants to know, so here it is, 20 days in my life, family, business, philanthropy and becoming first lady of the United States again.”
The next segment of the film is Melania trying on outfits. Then she is looking at the menu for the inauguration dinner. Then she is with an interior designer, discussing nightstands and cabinets for the White House.
This could be the ultimate trad wife film, I ponder, except that Melania doesn’t actually do anything domestic – other people do it for her while she instructs them.
Some of the weirdest moments are her interactions with the president. In one scene, she is on the phone to Trump as he excitedly discusses how many electoral college votes he won. “That’s a good one,” she says robotically, then “bye, congrats”.
In another scene, they briefly discuss their son, Baron. “I love him, he has an incredible mind,” she says poetically.
At this point, I have been to the toilet twice, clutched my face and whispered “oh my God” when I’ve checked the time and it has barely passed.
The final half is of the inauguration itself. “That’s the hat,” someone in the cinema remarks when her bizarre outfit is revealed.
The most animated she gets is when YMCA comes on at their final ball. There is a look of pure delight on her face. Otherwise she looks either robotic or furious.
As I emerge from the cinema, I have the strange feeling that I have not only learned nothing but lost brain cells.
“What did you think?” I ask the elderly lady. “I loved it, wow!” she cries.
I pin down the only two people who didn’t see the movie alone. The couple tell me they’re a fan of Trump, and of Melania, but they found the experience too much like a “PR vehicle”.
“It’s not as insightful as I thought it would be,” one says.
“I’ve loved Melania for 15 years … and I feel like it was made to make Trump look better,” the other says.
“As much as it was for her, it was for him.”
Isn’t everything.
