7 hours ago
15
Olaf Falafel: I remember thinking, as I taped a piranha to my boomerang, this could come back to bite me.
Richard Stott: To the person who stole my bank card and spent all my money on ancestry.com – you know who you are.
Scout Boxall: I like my men like I like my passwords – weak, easily compromised, barely distinguishable from each other.
Li Jin Hao: A friend said to me: ‘The last thing I wanna be is racist,’ and I was like: ‘Oh, so it’s on your list?’
Jenny Gorelick: I dated a magician – I was seeing him, now I don’t.
Adele Cliff: I hate AI because it keeps trying to steal the jobs I love, like creative writing and being confidently wrong.
Chris Grace: The Trump administration is like the movie Oppenheimer – it’s full of weird white guys and halfway through you wish it would end early.
Anna Thomas: I’m having an awful time at the moment. The back of my car fell off and you’ll never guess what you can’t buy at a car boot sale.
Bella Hull: I lost my nail file, so I’ve just been using the pavement. As a method, it’s concrete.
Alex Kitson: I spent all day writing a joke about margarine and I can’t believe it’s not better.
