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Name: Flip-flops.
Age: They date from 1500BC, although the modern version is adapted from Japanese thonged sandals called zori, brought back by US soldiers returning from the second world war.
Appearance: Flat-soled footwear featuring a bifurcated strap with three anchor points.
Price: £670.
£6.70? I know a petrol station where you can get them for a fiver. No, £670 , or $690 in the US.
What? You heard me.
Are they wifi-enabled? They are not.
Do they walk for you? No, you have to do your own walking.
Are the soles made of solid gold? They are made of hard-wearing rubber.
The strap, is it fashioned from the tongues of endangered birds? It’s cotton grosgrain fabric, perfect for the beach.
The beach? At that price, I wouldn’t even wear them outside. Is this something to do with inflation? No, this is to do with The Row.
The almighty row kicked up by the audacity of charging that kind of money for flip-flops? The Row, the designer fashion label launched by the Olsen twins.
The who? Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, the former child actors turned mega-fashion influencers and luxury goods magnates.
And purveyors of the £670 flip-flop? It’s called the Dune Classic. Ridiculously overpriced footwear certainly wasn’t invented by the Olsens, but these are – I can think of no other way to put this – just flip-flops.
Has there been outrage? Not really – more a feeling that £670 for flip-flops bearing no obvious signs of being superior to a €7 pair from a French supermarket is, well, a lot.
Surely it’s a sign that the end of the world is nigh. Nobody seems to think so. In a New York Times debate, fashion writers merely viewed them with weary distaste. “I’m not saying all things from The Row are bogus,” said one, “but these flip-flops feel like a stretch.”
I guess there are lots of other signs that the end of the world is nigh. It is also worth noting that £670 is very much an entry-level price for summer footwear from The Row. Its leather flip-flops are £860.
That doesn’t make it better. It makes it worse. Also, the flip-flops are made in Italy, so Donald Trump’s tariffs could make them even more expensive in the US.
I hate the idea of tariffs hurting hard-working Americans such as the Olsen twins’ customers. Yes, won’t somebody please think of them?
Do say: “Welcome to the era of the ultra-rich fool.”
Don’t say: “Do they do them in blue?”
