1 hour ago
10
Top Gear is the show that cannot die. Nothing can kill it; not the dryness of the original, the violence that ended the Clarkson era, or the horrifying crash that brought its most recent incarnation to a halt. And so, inevitably, yesterday the BBC confirmed that Top Gear was being resurrected once again. The corporation’s director of entertainment, Ed Havard, told the Edinburgh TV festival: “There has been a lot of speculation about this, and we can confirm that Top Gear is coming back. I’m not going to talk about talent today.”
Which is fair enough – but I can. Casting a show like Top Gear is a dangerously tricky proposition. Whoever the BBC picks to host needs to be funny, charismatic, good at driving and knowledgable about cars. Lots of people are good at one of these things, but few are good at more than that and almost none are good at everything.
Clearly, the smartest thing to do is take a leaf out of Prime Video’s newly revived The Grand Tour, cast three relative unknowns and let them find their feet over a couple of years. That is, after all, what happened with the original Top Gear cast of 2002.
But that won’t happen. Top Gear is now too established to be a grower, and the BBC will want it to land with immediate impact. Plus, all the rumours and press speculation suggest that Jimmy Carr is going to host it anyway, so they’re clearly aiming high. So with that in mind, let’s idly speculate about who could be signed up.
Jimmy Carr
We’ll start with the obvious one. Carr fits the Clarkson bill incredibly well: he’s sharp and knowledgable about cars, and he got rich by making lazy jokes about minority groups. Also – like former hosts Matt LeBlanc and Chris Evans – he has a proven record as a Star in a Reasonably Priced Car. Plus, his name is literally Carr, so there’s also that. One downside is that, if you’ve heard Carr on a podcast lately, he seems to have swapped comedy for making the sort of faux-profound philosophical statements you tend to hear from the most boring man in the pub, which might turn some viewers off.
Suitability: 8/10
Jodie Kidd
Strangely, Kidd might be the best like-for-like Clarkson replacement around. A part of Top Gear since 2003, when she recorded a blazingly fast lap time, Kidd has since gained an international racing licence, presented Channel 5’s The Classic Car Show and ITV4’s Isle of Man TT coverage, hosted a motoring podcast and launched a car-based YouTube channel. She was even shortlisted to present the revived Top Gear a decade ago, but turned it down. The BBC would be foolish not to try its luck again.
Suitability: 9/10
Joe Marler
Marler is another name linked to the job, although that seems to be less down to his extensive trackside experience and more because he was quite good on Celebrity Traitors a year ago. Nevertheless, you can see him fitting in here. Not necessarily as the lead host, but as the colour co-presenter; a full-bore enthusiast who (unlike Kidd or Carr) would probably be OK with being shoved down a ski jump ramp in a Reliant Robin.
Suitability: 6/10
Catie Munnings
An outside bet, but one worth making. If you have young children, Munnings is best known for being the host of the CBeebies show Catie’s Amazing Machines, in which she bombed around tracks in a variety of vehicles and was very shiny and enthusiastic about everything. But she’s also a professional rally driver and (handily) has been a Top Gear magazine columnist.
Suitability: 7/10
Michael Fassbender
Let me stop you right there. Again, Fassbender knows his cars – the man has spent most of this decade as a professional race car driver – and he posted a competitive Star in a Reasonably Priced Car lap back in the day. However, I need to invoke the Matt LeBlanc clause. At some point, a person becomes too famous to submit to the rigours of a weekly magazine show. Once you’re already rich and successful, all those wet Tuesdays spent power-sliding a Vauxhall around Dunsfold will quickly start to feel like a chore. Soon you’ll leave and Top Gear will be left desperately trying to reboot itself for the billionth time.
Suitability: 2/10
Ogmios
Listen, a boy can dream. Ogmios’ YouTube videos, and his 2022 BBC Three series, Zen Motoring, would be a necessary tone corrective for something as boisterous as Top Gear. His stock in trade is long, slow drives through north London, softly making calm remarks about the various behaviours of his fellow road users. Ogmios is the logical endpoint of the James May type, and I would watch the hell out of him. Others might disagree, and Top Gear would almost certainly rob him of everything that’s good about him. But that won’t stop me stumping for Ogmios here.
Suitability: 1/10
