3 hours ago
5
‘Excruciating’
Playmobil: The Movie (2019)
As someone who expected The Lego Movie to be a soulless cash grab, I was delighted to find it was anything but. It was with that in mind that I dragged myself out of bed early one Saturday morning to see Playmobil: The Movie – why couldn’t it be done again with a similar IP? It was excruciating. The best part of the film was at the beginning, when the usually wonderful Anya Taylor-Joy sings a song to her little brother about the joys of imagination and exploration, at which point the police arrive to inform them that their parents are dead. That was by far the biggest laugh, as the remainder of the film tried to outdo itself in the garishness and loudness stakes. Olly, 47, Birmingham
‘My eyes still ache’
Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp (1970–1971)
With all due disrespect to All’s Fair, it cannot come close to the single worst piece of garbage ever inflicted on TV viewers, back in the 1970s. Undoubtedly it was supposed to be camp and cute; what it was was exploitative and vile. I’m talking, of course, about Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp. Chimpanzees were dressed up and given things to chew, while humans dubbed in cheesy dialogue to their flapping lip motions. My eyes (and brain) still ache. Catherine, Massachusetts
‘Unintentionally hilarious’
Waterworld (1995)
In 1995, a friend and I decided to see Waterworld, starring Kevin Costner. Neither of us was particularly fond of Costner, but we both adored Dennis Hopper. Plus, my friend had a two-for-one voucher, it was a scorching 35C outside, and the cinema was literally the coolest place in town. What we didn’t expect was to stumble into one of the funniest movie experiences of our lives. Waterworld turned out to be unintentionally hilarious. I’m not sure what the sparse matinee crowd made of our cackling, but it was impossible to take Costner’s earnestness seriously. Hopper’s gloriously over-the-top performance made it feel like he was in on the joke. It cracks me up to this day. It was a zero-star cultural moment, but a five-star bonding experience. Ke, Ireland
‘I’m still processing how awful it was’
After Life (2019-2022)
I recently sat through After Life. I’m still processing how awful it was. I loved The Office and Extras, and normally found something to like in Ricky Gervais’s work. Even Derek. But if you don’t think the c-word is amusing in and of itself, you might want to watch something other than After Life, because that’s about 90% of the jokes here.
In this show, Ricky Gervais plays himself with a twist. He’s rude, obnoxious, hurts and upsets people, but his wife died, so it’s OK. Plus, the other characters constantly tell him how amazing he is. One minute, we’re being smashed over the head with sad music as not-Ricky watches yet another weird video of his dead wife telling him he’s wonderful. The next, we’re being invited to laugh at one of the zany residents of a village doing something disgusting, someone using the c-word, or one of Gervais’s already-visited pet hates. (Fat people eating loudly! The worst, right?)
Not-Ricky commits several serious crimes which are barely mentioned again, including threatening a child with a hammer and throwing a brick through the window of a moving car. Twice, he’s on the verge of killing himself, only to be saved by a sad look from a dog. A lot of people say the show brings them joy and comfort – I disagree. Will, London
‘After 15 minutes, we were almost the only people left’
Moonshine – Hampstead theatre (1999)
During my career as a journalist I reviewed theatre, and in 1999 I found myself at Hampstead theatre for a new work, Moonshine, by Snoo Wilson. It was the second performance, and I was surprised to find the theatre only about a third full. It was clear that either the few early reviews had already had an effect, or word of mouth had spread fast. Moonshine was an absolute disaster on every level – incomprehensible plot, stultifying dialogue, a set design that might have been the product of a freshers’ week post-pub round-table, and a cast who clearly just wanted to get through the four-week run with a modicum of dignity.
At the interval, my companion and I sat down in the bar to the sound of audience members exiting through the creaky swing doors. After 15 minutes, we were almost the only people left, apart from the theatre’s artistic director who was desperately trying to convince the one other remaining punter that the audience just needed to “give the work a chance”.
As I cringed at the thought of abandoning my responsibility as a critic, we downed our Becks and scarpered into the rain. To this day I still cannot fathom how the play managed to make it beyond the first read-through. Michael Parker, 72, London
‘It feels like it never ends’
The Room (2003)
I know, I know, it’s a classic now for how terrible it is, so much so that there’s another film in tribute to it – but I still find The Room to be completely unwatchable. It feels like it never ends. It. Just. Goes. On. Hi, doggy. Eoin, 34, Galway, Ireland
‘I felt sorry for the performers and crew’
An Officer and a Gentleman – Lyric theatre, Sydney (2012)
I saw this musical production in 2012 and the trauma is still fresh. It was godawful; full of Aussie performers doing their version of “I’m an angry, beef-head US Naval Officer, sir!” When a character died, I thought, “Thank God. One less to worry about.” The stage show included unnecessary female nudity, which was inappropriate and out of place. More than half the audience left at the intermission, never to return. I stayed because I felt sorry for the performers and crew. Anonymous, Sydney, Australia
‘The first movie I contemplated walking out of’
28 Years Later (2025)
Possibly the worst cinematic cultural moment I ever experienced was 28 Years Later. I was excited to see a well-made zombie movie after years of drought. I bought tickets for the premiere, invited a fellow horror aficionado friend along. We were both so confident this was going to be the movie of the year.
Oh boy, were we wrong. I have never looked at someone so many times in utter disbelief as I have while watching that movie. Not to give any spoilers, but the ending with the tracksuits and ninja-style zombie killing totally ruined it. Truly, this is the first movie I contemplated walking out of, and I would have if I hadn’t been with someone else. Katharina, 23, Aachen, Germany
‘They lost me’
Unbreakable (2000)
This might be a bit unpopular, but it’s M Night Shyalaman’s film Unbreakable for me. I saw it at the cinema, full of hope after seeing The Sixth Sense, but when Samuel L Jackson claimed that the Egyptian hieroglyphics were just like comic books, I said, out loud, in the cinema (for which I apologise), “No, they’re not!” – and that was it, they’d lost me. Can’t watch any of the sequels or sidequels either. David Cochrane, 56, Nottingham
‘Instantly irrelevant’
Babes in the Wood (1998-1999)
As a TV addict in the late 90s without a satellite subscription, I gorged myself on everything terrestrial TV had to offer. Babes in the Wood was the ultimate test of my love for the medium. What seemed to me at the time as three poorly written female leads bouncing off the faux charm of “that man from the Flash ads” has only become worse through a brief rewatch. Episodes are without substance and plots are wafer-thin.
The fact that this drivel was being aired in the same year HBO released Sex and the City shows how instantly irrelevant this show was, despite a second series being commissioned. It nearly ruined both TV and floor cleaners for my teenage self. Patrick McKiernan, 42, Belfast
‘A plotless slog’
Ishtar (1987)
The film Ishtar is aversion therapy for fans of Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty. Less exciting than a tricycle accident; less witty than a stunned mollusc; less intriguing than a dial tone. Spend 107 non-refundable minutes of your life with two songwriters searching the Moroccan desert for a mythical city, only to find themselves trapped in something like “Waiting for Guffman meets Sartre’s No Exit”, with less merit. Morgaine, Virginia, USA
