4 hours ago
9
It’s funny how returning “home” can feel alien and apprehensive when you’ve spent years living abroad (I’m back in London after a decade in the US – and I miss those friendly New Yorkers, 5 April). There’s a reverse culture shock when your world-expanded self arrives back in a city you’ve known so well, and missed, but now see through a different lens.
In my experience, something always pulls you homeward eventually. You miss the infrastructure, the convenience, the variety and, mostly, the people. Not just your close friends and family, but the general populace too: the shop staff who leave you alone, the fellow commuters who know not to make eye contact, let alone dare small talk, the restaurant bill that arrives with service already included and no pressure to calculate the appropriate tip.
Having lived in Brooklyn for a few years myself, I recognise the friendliness that Bim Adewunmi describes – the ease with which people interact with you. New Yorkers are open and curious, and there’s a social grease that smooths friction. But I’d gently push back on the characterisation of Londoners as unfriendly. I was surprised that no one offered to help her with the buggy on the tube, as that’s something I recall people doing automatically, without fuss. They might leave you to struggle with your suitcase though.
London is not a city built for small talk or frivolity, it’s true. But the helpfulness of Londoners pretending to mind their own business is something I came to truly value after experiencing real indifference in other cities. There is a different kind of social currency here: the knowing glance, the audible sigh during a shared disruption. Perhaps I am romanticising my hometown. But I’d like to think that there’s still quiet connection to be found.
Michelle Watts
London
I lived and worked for 38 years in widely differing countries. My experience of neighbourliness was mixed – from great friendliness and generosity during my two years in Siberia during the last years of the Soviet Union, to two bleak years in Hungary, and a Christmas week totally alone while working in Croatia.
I returned to the UK just over five years ago and now live in north London, where I have the friendliest neighbours ever. Wandering around my neighbourhood, I frequently encounter smiles from total strangers, many of whom are keen to initiate conversation. Can my part of north London be so very different from Bim’s south London?
Gwen Jones
London
I’m sad for Bim Adewunmi. Perhaps she should travel a little farther north, perhaps Newcastle upon Tyne even, where she should find smiles and communication aplenty.
Susan Tideswell
Newcastle upon Tyne
