6 hours ago
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Name: Bathroom divorce.
Age: New – although tensions may have been simmering for years …
Appearance: Two sinks, two mirrors, two toilets.
That’s what my bathroom looks like when I’m drunk. It is, in effect, two bathrooms – one for each half of a married couple.
One whole bathroom per person? This is a thing? This is very much a thing.
To what end? To maintain marital harmony. It’s like a sleep divorce, but for bathrooms.
What’s a sleep divorce? When married couples sleep in separate bedrooms, granting each other peace and privacy. The bathroom divorce has similar aims.
Is there a word for having a bathroom divorce and a sleep divorce at the same time? I think that’s just called a divorce.
In any case, these sound like redecoration projects for boomers with too much money. A bathroom divorce can certainly be expensive.
How expensive? The interior designer Debbie Wiener spent more than $100,000 on a bathroom with side-by-side sinks, as well as separate his-and-hers toilets for her Maryland home.
Why did she bother with all that? “As you get older, your gastrointestinal needs change,” Wiener told the New York Post. “My husband’s habits didn’t age well. One toilet was not cutting it.”
Debbie seems quite fond of oversharing. She has a ready audience: “All my neighbours lined up to see my bathroom,” she said. “Every time I tell a woman about my bathroom, she is, like: ‘OMG, I want that!’”
So are most bathroom divorces female-driven? Seems likely. “I don’t think about the bathroom that much,” said Wiener’s husband, Jim Weinberger. “The bathroom is not a huge part of my life.”
So did Wiener invent the bathroom divorce? While her en suite makeover attracted widespread attention, it’s likely the trend was already in place. In September, House Beautiful magazine was offering two-sink design ideas aimed at preventing bathroom divorce.
So it’s not a true bathroom divorce until you get separate toilets? Honestly, the trend is so new that the rules are still being written.
Is there such a thing as a kitchen-table divorce? Yes – but this refers to a bespoke separation agreement, allowing couples to divorce on their own terms, without getting lawyers involved.
I was thinking more of a divider arrangement, so I didn’t have to watch my partner eat. Maybe you can start your own trend.
Do say: “For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, subject to any changes in your gastrointestinal needs.”
Don’t say: “Have you thought about a postcode divorce? My husband and I tried one and now we’re happily married to other people.”
