The kindness of strangers: I was taken aback by a rude remark. Then it hit me – she was absolutely right

4 hours ago 4

More than 30 years ago, I set out to build my dream house in a small rural town. It was a stressful process exacerbated by a demanding career that required me to travel across Asia and the Pacific for weeks at a time. The challenges of juggling parenting, marriage, my work and the house felt overwhelming at times. Not to mention the builders were falling behind schedule and often did not show up at all.

One day I found myself in a lighting shop, finally ready to buy light fittings. The woman who ran the shop was not exactly friendly but as it was the only shop of its kind around, she won my business by default. I asked her a few questions about some lights and received only one- or two-word answers. I made the purchase, and as I was about to leave, she looked me firmly in the eyes and said: “You know, no matter how hard you think you have it, there are always others who have it much worse than you.” With that, she turned and went into the back of the shop.

I was taken aback by her remark and vividly remember getting into my truck and thinking how rude and out of line she was. But as I started to back out of the parking area I thought more about what she said. Then it hit me – she was absolutely right.

The woman in the lighting shop wasn’t offering those words with kindness, but that is irrelevant. What she said had a huge impact on my life. She must have seen something in me that motivated her comment, and it helped me realise something important about the way I see the world: perspective is everything. She did me an enormous favour, and for that I am grateful.

I don’t think that woman could have imagined how much I would take her words on board. Years later, I found myself with two types of cancer and a complicated range of other less-than-desirable diseases. My GP told me that my case is so difficult, if he’d been given it at medical school, he would never have become a doctor. Yet I have persevered through treatments, procedures, scans, tests and specialist appointments and feel fortunate to still be in a position to wake up each morning with the opportunity to enjoy my life as it is.

I have been asked more than once by those close to me how I manage to do that, why I am not curled up in a ball in a corner, lamenting how cruel life has been to me. The answer is clear: no matter how challenging life is, there are many others who have it much worse.