Football Daily | Royal Rumbles and low-block blues: the Premier League’s style problem

3 hours ago 5

THE STYLE COUNCIL

Following Liverpool’s win over Lille to qualify for the knockout stages of Bigger Cup last season, Arne Slot famously revealed that his father had been less than impressed. “There have definitely not been many [Liverpool] games where he has said: ‘Oh I like what I saw!’” sighed Slot of his old man, who presumably views a 4-0 win with the same grim Dutch disdain one might reserve for a lukewarm stroopwafel. This past weekend it became apparent that the apple hasn’t fallen too far from the tree, as the Liverpool head coach told hacks that even he isn’t particularly impressed with the quality of football in the Premier League, although the nature of Arsenal’s attritional Six Nations win over Chelsea may have won him over.

Offering the kind of ringing endorsement that will have caused the English top flight’s many cheerleaders at Sky and TNT to blanch, Slot said that “most of the games I see in the Premier League are not for me a joy to watch”, although he did quickly caveat his heretical criticism of The Best League In The World™ by pointing out: “It’s always interesting because it is so competitive and that is what makes this league great.” While some fans labelled Slot a hypocrite – given his own team’s contribution to the malaise – many more interpreted his comments as a coded swipe at Arsenal’s over-reliance on the “dark arts” of the set piece.

“First of all, you have to accept it,” Slot sighed, having seen his team score the first three of the five goals they spanked past West Ham from corners. “I think it’s mainly here in the Premier League. It’s the new reality. If I watch other leagues I don’t think there’s so much emphasis on set pieces. If I watch an Eredivisie game, I see goals being disallowed and fouls on goalkeepers being given and I’m like: ‘Wow, that’s a big difference.’ Here, you can almost hit a goalkeeper in his face and the referee still says: ‘Just go on.’ Do I like it? My football heart doesn’t like it.”

He isn’t alone. Only the flintiest of football hearts are gladdened by the sight of stop-start games in which it can take officials up to five minutes to decide whether or not a ball struck an ageing Burnley striker’s arm, set-piece routines increasingly resemble WWE Royal Rumbles and a “high-intensity” press is often just 11 men sprinting headlong into a brick wall of low-block pragmatism. Slot’s honesty is a refreshing, if not a little jarring and surprising, splash of cold Heineken. In a league that markets itself as a non-stop adrenaline shot of pure raw and unfiltered Barclays, Liverpool’s head coach has dared to point out that the emperor is not only naked, but currently wrapping both arms around a goalkeeper before bundling him into the back of his own net at a corner. The question now is whether the league’s power-brokers are listening.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“[I am] completely, utterly opposed to any kind of discrimination or prejudice, or ignorance, or stupidity. If my player did not respect these principles, which are mine and Benfica’s as well, then that player’s career [under me and at the club] will come to an end” – José Mourinho clarifies where he stands on Gianluca Prestianni, if the player is found guilty of racially abusing Real Madrid’s Vinícius Júnior.

Less than two weeks between hoping that ‘courage and confidence can arrest Tottenham’s slide’ and saying: ‘We are lacking when we attack, we lack the quality to score the goal. We are lacking in the middle to run and we are lacking behind to stay there to suffer and not concede the goal. So, an amazing situation. Amazing.’ Spurs are just like if the late Byzantine court had a football club, but with marginally fewer ritual blindings” – Noble Francis.

If the Spurs caretaker manager’s post-game assessment of the loss to Fulham is accurate, his club may have missed a huge opportunity by not hiring a tutor instead of a Tudor” – Peter Oh.

On Saturday a group of four old (very old) friends and I attended the Hearts v Aberdeen match at Tynecastle. Many years ago we were all regular Hearts turnstile pushers, but as time passed we all now live in widely separated locales. However, once a year, we still make a point of booking tickets, hospitality and an overnight stay in Edinburgh, just for old time’s sake. (Our journeys do indeed make use of trains, planes and automobiles. Oh, and a coach.) This year we pushed the boat out and booked rooms in the bijou little hotel within the Tynecastle fortress itself. On Sunday morning one friend and I had already checked out and were waiting for the others to appear. Out of nowhere a man in a Hearts jumper came through reception – ‘Can I help you boys?’ [Boys!] We explained we were just waiting on friends. He continued: ‘While you’re hanging on, do you want to come and have a look at the changing rooms?’ So he took us to the changing rooms, showers, medical centre, warm-up room, etc … and then out to the pitch. He took pictures of us in the tunnel and sitting in the dugout! For two old men who have supported Hearts through 50-plus years of disappointment and rare glory, this was almost unbelievable. I had to keep pinching myself. At one point he said: ‘They don’t have a big communal bath like in the old days. There’s showers instead. But there is one single bath still available for whoever wants it and gets it first. We call it “The Cammy Devlin Bath”, on account of the number of red cards he gets!’” – Ken Muir.

Stewart Roxburgh (left) and Ken Muir at Tynecastle

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