France deliver knockout punch to Paraguay in the Battle of Philadelphia

5 hours ago 8

PARA-MEDIC

“Good evening. The game you are about to see is the most stupid, appalling, disgusting and disgraceful exhibition of football in the history of the game.” Were David Coleman still around, then perhaps the highlights package of France 1-0 Paraguay at the Geopolitics World Cup would have received similar words to Chile 2-0 Italy back in 1962.

Events in Philadelphia did not exactly mirror the ugly scenes of the Battle of Santiago, as only one of the teams were intent on “dishin’ oot the stoosh”, to use the vernacular of the legendary rugby coach Jim Telfer. Crucially, no players were sent off. Not a single Paraguayan received a yellow card after a modern exhibition of the dark arts. Three Frenchmen did. To see the world through the ref-cam of the match official, Ilgiz Tantashev of Uzbekistan, would be an intense psychedelic experience.

Andrés Cubas launched into Adrien Rabiot. Juan José Cáceres took a few chunks out of Kylian Mbappé. Check complete? No such checks appeared to be taking place. If Paraguay’s approach was their best chance of dragging France to their level, they were ably assisted by the officiating. Even France’s deciding penalty, a clear and obvious trip on Désiré Doué by Paraguay and Brighton’s Diego Gómez, was seemingly given reluctantly, with Mr Tantashev called to the VAR screen. Paraguayan horseplay continued before the spot kick with Gustavo Velázquez remarkably unpunished for scuffing up the penalty spot, while Paraguay’s keeper, Orlando Gill, tried his best to get up into Mbappé’s grill. Mbappé, though, kept his cool, slotting home with glee and after a few sly, wry grins, refused to shake the hand of Gill after the final whistle, for which he received a ball thrown at him in full Ray Wilkins at Mexico 86 mode. “Since he didn’t pay me any attention, I lost my temper,” Gill wailed.

Mbappé savoured rubbing salt into Paraguayan wounds. “They thought we’d show up in tuxedos to play, but we know how to play dirty football too,” he roared. “We won and we were better than them.” Of that there was little doubt, while Tantashev’s participation in the GWC is surely done. There are suggestions the officiating at the GWC has attempted to out what is derided in the USA USA USA as “flopping” but, as far as we know, kicking and hacking at opponents is still punishable with at least a yellow. While this newsletter is a confirmed fan of scenes you don’t wish to see but actually really want to see, what happened in Philly was still a very poor look, even if it wasn’t quite the most disgraceful exhibition of football in the history of the game.

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QUOTES OF THE DAY

“We totally controlled the match. We were the ones more likely to win the game, but goals change games so they could sit back. But overall in the match we were better than them. If you’d said [before the game] we were going to play like that … you’d think we were going to win the match” – Jesse Marsch backs his Canada side to a delusional degree after their GWC loss to Morocco.

“It takes some nerve to say that when you lose 3-0” – the Morocco head coach, Mohamed Ouahbi, offers a succinct response to Marsch’s claims.

Jesse Marsch and his Canada players applaud the fans

“With respect to Mr Round (yesterday’s Letters), I have read plenty of ‘positive’ intros from Football Daily during the GWC, but Football Daily never would have lasted as long as it has without the ‘snark’ from we 1,057 pedants” — JJ Zucal.

“For the first two weeks of this super-sized GWC, we were subjected to match after match of free-flowing football, with hardly any opportunity (hydration breaks aside) to watch the players standing around. But at last, with Belgium’s late penalty and Croatia’s last-second non-equaliser, we’ve got back to what makes the game beautiful: long VAR checks that decide crucial matches” – Anthony Alessandrini.

“Bono made some superb saves for Morocco last night - he certainly gave them The Edge over Canada” – Phil Taverner.

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RECOMMENDED LISTENING

Get your ears around the latest episode of the World Cup Daily podcast. Max Rushden is joined by Barry Glendenning, Archie Rhind-Tutt, Barney Ronay and Philippe Auclair to chew through a fiery France v Paraguay clash and preview England’s last-16 match with Mexico.