2 hours ago
7
Name: The Modern Gentleman.
Age: Modern.
Appearance: Goes to the gym but doesn’t wear a tank top.
I’m sorry, but we’ve already covered this one. Did we?
We did. In 2015, Country Life magazine created a list of the 39 attributes that make a modern gentleman, and we lightly pulled them apart, remember? Oh, no, this is completely different. You see, Country Life magazine has created a list of the 39 attributes that make a modern gentleman …
That’s exactly the same! No it isn’t, because that was a decade ago. The 2015 rules are completely obsolete now. For example, one of them was “Cooks an omelette to die for” and another was “Is good with waiters”. Preposterously outdated stuff.
Fine, so what are the 2025 rules? Well, one of them is: “Can poach and scramble eggs without fuss”. Another is “Learns and uses waiters’ names”.
Oh wow, yes, extremely different. Listen, do you really expect a complete overhaul of the entire definition of gentlemanliness every single decade? Hardly. There’s something inherently timeless about being a gentleman, and that mainly has to do with cooking eggs and not being rude to restaurant employees.
There must be something new, though. Oh yes – the thing about not wearing a tank top to the gym is one of them.
Surely that’s less about being a gentleman and more about not wanting to look like a sweaty idiot. Or there’s this one: “Never runs for things in public”.
Anything? What if your dog was chasing some deer through a park? If you’re a gentleman, you’ll remain at walking pace. The deer will appreciate your panache. How about this one: “Believes Roger Moore was the best 007”.
That’s not gentlemanly, that’s just contrarian pub talk. And these: “Is pathologically punctual”, “Knows when to call it a night”, and “Doesn’t modify restaurant orders”.
Actually, those do all sound quite reasonable. To be a modern gentleman is to be able to go about things with the minimum level of fuss. Efficient, friendly, confident – that’s what makes a gentleman.
That and having a terrible opinion about long-running spy franchises. Well, yes, that too. But you must remember, the final rule of being a modern gent is: “Doesn’t take anything too seriously”.
Consider me educated. Same time in 2035, then? Absolutely. Brace yourself for rules like “Doesn’t exclusively use AI to communicate with loved ones” and “Can smile at strangers regardless of their position on the class war that has definitely engulfed the planet by now”.
And something about being able to cook an egg. Of course. Bare-minimum culinary skills never go out of style.
Do say: “Hello, I am a modern gentleman.”
Don’t say: “Fancy watching Dr No?”
