2 hours ago
7
Just what has Stephen Doughty done to upset Keir Starmer? Are there no limits to the prime minister’s contempt and hatred? Not that Steve is a total nobody. He’s not a run-of-the-mill backbencher. But he has risen as high as he is likely to go as a junior minister in the Foreign Office. Probably higher than Steve ever expected. Certainly higher than his mates expected. Put simply, Steve is a dependable plodder. Someone who can be trusted to do as he is told. To not ask questions. And yet for Keir he is just collateral damage. Expendable.
Not that this is how it will have been put to Steve. Rather, the prime minister’s outriders will have taken him to one side. A word in your ear. We’ve got a top-secret mission for you. Get this right and we can win the war. The future of the country is in your hands. The generals probably said much the same to the infantrymen on the morning of the Somme offensive. Though Steve would die many times over. The walking dead.
On Thursday it was Doughty who was sent out to fend off the hospital pass of replying for the government on behalf of an urgent question on the appointment of Peter Mandelson as US ambassador. And even though Steve got to break the news that Mandy had just been sacked, he still got a thorough kicking from opposition MPs. The bruises are still visible.
So you’d have thought that someone might have taken pity on poor Steve. Realised he was suffering from PTSD and could do with a spot of convalescence. Hell, even the worst offenders get a break sometime. But not Steve. The theory goes that he’s been so badly beaten up it won’t matter if he gets another mauling. Better to have just the one minister in intensive care.
And it’s not just the prime minister who has it in for Steve. Yvette Cooper also takes a very relaxed view of the health and wellbeing of her team. In theory, it could have been the foreign secretary who took both Thursday’s UQ and Tuesday’s emergency debate on Mandy. A chance for Yvette to lead from the front. Yet she, too, chose to go missing in action. Contenting herself with sending a letter exonerating the Foreign Office of any blame in Mandelson’s appointment. Nothing to do with her, guv.
Still, at least the cowardice was catching. The Tories used to do the same whenever a cabinet minister was in trouble. Sending out some junior to face the flak while they hid in comfort several miles away behind the lines. Kemi Badenoch would later try to claim she would have set a different example. Luckily that will never be put to the test. So we were left with the hapless Steve looking miserable for three hours while everyone stuck pins in him. Some Tories would express regret. Steve was a decent man. They said. Yet still they killed him with kindness.
First we were treated to a 30-minute exposition of all Mandy’s many failings from Tory David Davis. It wasn’t just that he had been best pals with a convicted child sex offender. That was just a career highlight. There was also his double resignation as a cabinet minister. Once for failing to disclose a loan, the other for interfering in a passport application for an acquaintance. Then there was the fawning to the Russians and the Chinese. Mandy never met a billionaire over whom he could not swoon. Weirdly, for a self-professed master of the dark arts, Mandy has always been rubbish at self-preservation. He just can’t help himself.
We also had to endure 10 minutes of Kemi. What did the prime minister know and when, she asked. She is under the impression that it was her performance at prime minister’s questions last Wednesday that put the spotlight on Keir’s judgment. The reality was that it was the media who had done all the investigation on this.
And Kemi – along with every other Tory MP – had all the evidence that Mandelson was a wrong’un all along. They just hadn’t done anything about it. Everyone had said: “So what if Mandy had stayed with a sex offender? It’s Donald Trump we’re dealing with here so normal rules don’t apply.” Hypocrisy is never too far distant from a Westminster scandal.
Normally on days like this you can rely on a few government stooges to offer a few supportive words to the minister. Today, not so much. Most of the bare handful of Labour MPs who were in the house were there to stick it to Mandelson. They were from the left of the party and have never forgiven Tony Blair and Mandy for their manifold sins of 20 years ago.
A lone Labour whip handed out a list of topics helpful to Steve. Only two took up the offer. Florence Eshalomi wittered on about having been to Nigeria and seen the civil service doing good works there. She quickly petered out. Then we got uber-loyalist John Slinger. He talked of Andy Coulson and how David Cameron hadn’t vetted him properly. Quite quickly, he got laughed down by the whole house. Tory Julian Lewis called Mandy “Grovelling Lord Yum Yum” and Slinger was left sobbing. “Don’t patronise me,” he sobbed. What else was anyone meant to do with him?
And so to Steve. The last man standing. The prime minister had acted decisively, he insisted. Really? When Keir had got the new information that Mandelson had written to Epstein saying he had been wrongly convicted, he had sacked him. So let’s get this straight. It was fine with everyone – the Tories included – for Mandy to hang out with a sex offender as long as he thought he was guilty. Run that one past us again.
Doughty’s misery was almost complete. Mandy hadn’t been so bad. He had been a Times Radio presenter. Passed the vetting for Oxford chancellor. So why not be the US ambassador. Even Steve could tell that he was dying on his feet. Yet trying to kid himself he was doing something heroic. For Keir and country.
We never did get to the bottom of how the vetting process had been conducted and whether its findings had been ignored. Or whether Mandy might have lied. Shock horror. Steve rushed for the exits. A bottle of scotch was called for. Oblivion was the only answer.
