6 hours ago
7
Name: Placeholder partner.
Age: As a phrase, new. As a concept, less so. It’s probably become more prevalent with the abundance of dating apps.
So this is about dating? There’s a clue in the “partner” part of the phrase.
And a placeholder is someone that occupies the position of another person for a while? Correct.
So we’re not talking about for ever partners, just temporary ones? So temporary that you hardly need to be there.
That’s fine isn’t it? You’re in a relationship, even though you’re not going to be life partners. That’s normal. Perhaps you’re just FWB, that’s … Friends with benefits, yes, I know. There’s another term for it that’s less suitable for Pass notes. Of course that’s fine, but they are not placeholder partners.
Why not? A placeholder partner doesn’t know.
Doesn’t know what? That they’re not “the one”, Mr or Mrs Right. They think they’ve got a future together and might even be living with their partner, when actually they’re just good for now.
Like a seat-warmer? If you like. Although placeholder partner is the phrase that’s sweeping social media.
Modern dating is so complicated, what with all the ghosting, zombieing and kittenfishing that goes on. See also cloaking and breadcrumbing.
Is that when you make an escalope for your date? No, it’s when you lead someone on with no intention of it leading to anything meaningful. But back to the matter in hand …
If only there were a good example from popular culture to help me. You know Taylor Swift?
Don’t tell me her NFL fiance, Travis Kelce, is a placeholder? No, I am thinking about her 2024 song So Long, London and the lyric: “I died on the altar waiting for the proof,” which is understood to be about investing years of her youth in a relationship that didn’t turn out to be “the one”.
I’m a bit old to be a Swiftie, do you have anything older? How about Friends? Ross marrying Emily while obviously still having feelings for Rachel? No? Earlier still? Henry VIII?
And what are some signs that I might be in a placeholder relationship? The Washington Post talked to experts who said a wandering eye isn’t a great sign. And the paradox of choice brought on by all the dating platforms – whereby the more options there are, the harder it is to commit – isn’t helping.
Any other signs? A failure to talk about the future, not wanting to meet your friends or family, a general lack of interest and effort …
Hmm, too many alarm bells ringing here. The experts also say the best thing to do to find out where your partner stands is to talk to them.
Do say: “I just wonder how you feel about …”
Don’t say: “A bit late for that, dear, we’ve been married for 40 years.”
