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The Muppet Show celebrates its 50th anniversary this year. Or so it is alleged. Obviously this cannot be true, because it would mean that all of us who remember gathering around the television for the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational, Muppetational half hour of the week must also be … Well, anyway. Let us not dwell.
Let us remember instead the magic that ensued as Jim Henson’s creation unfurled before us, as the chaotic troupe of puppets put on their traditional vaudeville show. The permanent cast included the inimitable Miss Piggy (“I don’t care what you think of me. Unless you think I am awesome, in which case you are right”), Gonzo, the Swedish Chef, sombre patriot Sam Eagle (“Freakos one, civilisation zero”), assorted pigs (often in space), scientist Dr Bunsen Honeydew and his heartbreakingly hapless assistant Beaker (the latter granting some of us our first stirrings of true empathy), and many, many chickens. There was also a guest appearance each episode by a famous human comedian, actor or musician. It could be anyone from Julie Andrews to Dudley Moore, as long as they could be trusted to play it straight and believe in their co-stars. It was all held together, if only just, by earnest, frazzled host and stage manager Kermit the Frog and his assistant, Scooter, despite constant heckling from the exquisitely cantankerous Statler and Waldorf looking down on the show, in every sense, from their box seats.
It was magical. Really, it was.
To commemorate the anniversary, Disney (who acquired the Muppetational rights from the Jim Henson Company in 2004) has got the old gang together and added guest appearances from Sabrina Carpenter, Seth Rogen (also executive producer) and Maya Rudolph for a one-off half-hour special.
God bless everyone involved – they’ve tried. You can feel it. They want to make it good for us. They know we deserve it. They know the Muppets deserve it. They know everybody at the moment desperately needs a brief, shining moment out of the darkness. But, as Thomas Wolfe so rightly said, you can’t go home again.
Look, it’s fine. If you have never seen the original, it’s probably even good. If you have, there are still moments that tease at taste and memory, such as Miss Piggy’s entrance. “Isn’t it wonderful being back in the theatre, giving people what they want?” she sighs contentedly to Kermit. “Moi”. Or Miss Piggy’s first meeting with Sabrina C, who tells the diva she has based her whole look on Miss Piggy. “My attorneys and I have noticed,” says her idol sweetly. “And we will be in touch.” And Miss Piggy’s response to Sabrina telling her how much she loves her: “I grew up with you! My parents grew up with you! Their parents grew up w—” “OK,” Miss Piggy interrupts in her alternative, unmistakably guttural register.
The Bridgerton pastiche captures something of the old Muppet spirit, too, as a pig in a Regency wig confesses he has fallen in love with someone else “whomst I am tornst betweenst”. So does Honeydew’s experiment on Beaker (“This won’t hurt me a bit!”), which causes his eyes to fall out.
But all the bits in between? They are drab. The script – including and most obviously Statler and Waldorf’s heckles – is begging for a polish (and for certain jokes, like the one between Kermit and Carpenter about kink, to be cut). Is this, despite the half-century’s notice they’ve had, a rush job? Or has the show’s time simply passed and no one can carry off exuberant silliness any more? Should we give up on frivolity in these decidedly unfrivolous times? Or double down on the attempt? If this one-off does lead to a series, I’d still tune in with hope. There’s enough to build on here.
There does remain the nagging problem of Kermit’s voice – probably one of the most distinctive in history. Henson himself performed the character until his death in 1990. Veteran Muppeteer Steve Whitmire inherited the role and played it until he was dismissed by Disney for what they called “unacceptable business conduct”, amid a welter of supporting and contradicting claims by those who had been involved in the show. Matt Vogel now plays the character and though he does so perfectly well, our dearest frog sounds jarringly different to anyone born before Vogel’s tenure. It puts the magic even further out of reach. But maybe only to us. And we’ve had our time.
If nothing else, it will entertain children for half an hour and give them the not inconsiderable gift of being introduced to Miss Piggy, and perhaps even more valuably alerting their parents to the fact that all five series of the original are available on the streaming platform. Let it soothe you while we all hunker down and pray for a return to simpler, happier times.
